“What do you want?” my boyfriend asked me the other day. “Uhhh for dinner?” I responded, not quite sure what to make of the question so I went for low-hanging fruit.
I would like to kindly suggest you consider starting a podcast. The world would benefit greatly your voice and presence. You are so aware, intelligent, educated, experienced, talented, and it would allow you to continue doing some writing (all good podcasts involve some script writing)... or don't do that because you have inherent value anyway. Love hearing from you / reading your writing!
Amelia , I think …This is a daily question we all have to answer what do we want out of this precious day ? I think aging, especially when you’re someone who feels the best when their body feels the best or is moving, can be tricky. I’m 62 and I “feel” older in my body for sure, and I’m holding on to my favorite things about being human, riding my bike , exploring new routes with friends…as the mileage decreases slowly so does the “good” space . So I think every day we wake up and make an intention to be present , make our plans , don’t think too far ahead and keep on keeping. I don’t have to ride 100 miles to feel amazing now a 40 mile ride is perfect ! You can’t see it coming so to speak but acceptance is the key and gratitude …just some rambling thoughts . I love your honestly and vulnerability , it’s good for my soul to know I’m not really alone in my journey of acceptance .
I've found the answer to any existential question is a personal real relationship with Jesus Christ. If you have never considered 'religion' as relevant, investigate the Bible with a critical eye. Lee Strobel did this decades ago and made some fascinating discoveries. He chronicled his investigative journey over several bestselling books starting with "The Case for Christ." I so wish you could find inner peace and a real purpose in your life. You certainly deserve it!!!!
I love your authenticity, vulnerability and curiosity. So acutely relatable! My experience to date is to try (and it's hard) to just keep on doing what you're doing which is to allow and observe. My father died in January. I was feeling enormously restless beforehand--trying to fill my life with a variety of different pursuits that I thought might bring meaningfulness. With my father's death came clarity: deep meaning comes from places wildly unexpected and in ways that cannot be forced. You may not find "what you want" immediately--but over time it will find you.
Thanks, once again, for opening up your heart for us. I have found for myself in going through my own challenges & addictions (genetic health condition, autoimmune & a 10 year history of exercise addiction) my biggest help and support came from people I only knew from the internet. I feel honored to be able to share your journey with you and I only hope that in opening up and receiving our stories back to you, that we have helped you. Cuz you do help us! As Ram Das says....we are all just walking each other home. It never ceases to amaze me that on my own walk I am surrounded by "strangers" that seem to give me the most love and support. One day at a time, Amelia. Keep it going.....
The best gift you can give a partner is NOT to ask what they want for dinner. It’s ideal when someone says, I have a great idea for dinner, let’s try this. Making the choice in a loving way is the biggest gift. No one wants to make the choice so making the choice or narrowing to two is the way to go. We all can usually find something to eat (and I’m a gluten - free pescatarian).
You got your wish. I'm a stranger on the Internet who cares about you! About children, is it possible you want to adopt? None of my business but I did wonder, reading your post. About running and aging, I'm 63 and slowing down, and I wasn't fast to begin with! So I've had to accept I probably won't get a BQ and may run Boston for charity next year.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts. "What do you want" sounds like a simple question, but it's really so complex. There's a lot I want and a lot I don't want. There's a lot that is that I would like to change, or see changed. And there are other things that are good. In my 55+ years I've learned that change is normal and necessary, though sometimes the change isn't positive.
I hear you about what it means to be a woman as we age. At 55, I have to create a place where I am seen in the way I want yo be seen. Much of my younger life was spent NOT being seen (as a sex object, cat-called, being seen not on my terms) while struggling to be seen as intelligent and offering value. As a middke-aged woman moving toward the older side of middle age, I can blend into a crowd, but professionally I am at the top of my game and am seen as an expert. I like that. As I didn't take up sport until my late 30s, I don't have youth physicality to compare to, but at 55 I am certainly not the athlete I was so effortlessly (comparatively) in my early 40s. At 46, I started noticing physical changes of perimenopause, though I didn't know that's what it was. At 52/53 I was hit HARD with full-blown perimenopause and chose HRT because I could just "tough it out" like I coukd do in most things in life. It turns out my body REALLY NEEDED estrogen. I think I left it too long and my physical capabilities aren't what they were, or where I'd like them to be, but I'm still able to do way more than the average woman my age. I still strive to be better even as I accept I may never be where I'd like to be. Anyway.....
Life is definitely an interesting journey. It can be a challenge to keep a good balance and not always live at extremes. Sometimes extremes are exhilarating, but that's not sustainable. We sprinkle it in where it's healthful.
I know you love dogs, and I hope you can fill your life with animals (as I’m fortunate to have done). Reading between the lines, I sense you miss the connection & community that comes from being a prominent person in the OCR and ultra scenes. I personally feel less connected and a bit lonely being more on the periphery of ultrarunning now. But you can find community elsewhere. For me it’s book clubs, leading a nonprofit, sub teaching, and more. Maybe this is a time for you to branch out. Take care and keep writing. And, 41 is still young!
What do I want? To me it not a question to struggle with. What do I do with what life gives me? That’s the important one for me. I guess it’s a form of living in the moment. Appreciation for each day. Letting life come to you. A different perspective that seems, at this moment, to work for me. Right now I thankful to you for writing your post and triggering these thoughts.
These are such existential questions for women in our 40’s. Thank you for sharing your perspective ☯️
Now that I’m slightly beyond where you are (aka mid-50’s), my thoughts about running longevity, finding passion with other hobbies (hopefully) and leaving a legacy in my career and childless family… these themes all hit home.
The one thing I know for me, is that I wake up most days feeling grateful for what I have, and happy to be in the moment… If I can turn my brain off, and just BE.
Welcome to the cool kids club. We matter. We’re here. And the view from my slow turtle trail run is pretty amazing!😻
I would like to kindly suggest you consider starting a podcast. The world would benefit greatly your voice and presence. You are so aware, intelligent, educated, experienced, talented, and it would allow you to continue doing some writing (all good podcasts involve some script writing)... or don't do that because you have inherent value anyway. Love hearing from you / reading your writing!
Thank you so much!!
Everyone loves my suggestion, Amelia!... no pressure 😉
You know, I love this idea.
Amelia , I think …This is a daily question we all have to answer what do we want out of this precious day ? I think aging, especially when you’re someone who feels the best when their body feels the best or is moving, can be tricky. I’m 62 and I “feel” older in my body for sure, and I’m holding on to my favorite things about being human, riding my bike , exploring new routes with friends…as the mileage decreases slowly so does the “good” space . So I think every day we wake up and make an intention to be present , make our plans , don’t think too far ahead and keep on keeping. I don’t have to ride 100 miles to feel amazing now a 40 mile ride is perfect ! You can’t see it coming so to speak but acceptance is the key and gratitude …just some rambling thoughts . I love your honestly and vulnerability , it’s good for my soul to know I’m not really alone in my journey of acceptance .
I love that perspective, thank you!
I've found the answer to any existential question is a personal real relationship with Jesus Christ. If you have never considered 'religion' as relevant, investigate the Bible with a critical eye. Lee Strobel did this decades ago and made some fascinating discoveries. He chronicled his investigative journey over several bestselling books starting with "The Case for Christ." I so wish you could find inner peace and a real purpose in your life. You certainly deserve it!!!!
I have missed your voice…. Wondering what your answer was…
Still working on the response!
I love your authenticity, vulnerability and curiosity. So acutely relatable! My experience to date is to try (and it's hard) to just keep on doing what you're doing which is to allow and observe. My father died in January. I was feeling enormously restless beforehand--trying to fill my life with a variety of different pursuits that I thought might bring meaningfulness. With my father's death came clarity: deep meaning comes from places wildly unexpected and in ways that cannot be forced. You may not find "what you want" immediately--but over time it will find you.
Sue, I am so sorry for your loss. That clarity is so beautiful and really resonates - thank you!
I think I recommended this book already but just going to recommend it again. Women rowing North. It's a great book that helps women navigate aging.
Ah thank you - just put it on the list!
Thanks, once again, for opening up your heart for us. I have found for myself in going through my own challenges & addictions (genetic health condition, autoimmune & a 10 year history of exercise addiction) my biggest help and support came from people I only knew from the internet. I feel honored to be able to share your journey with you and I only hope that in opening up and receiving our stories back to you, that we have helped you. Cuz you do help us! As Ram Das says....we are all just walking each other home. It never ceases to amaze me that on my own walk I am surrounded by "strangers" that seem to give me the most love and support. One day at a time, Amelia. Keep it going.....
Thanks Susan, and right back at you!
The best gift you can give a partner is NOT to ask what they want for dinner. It’s ideal when someone says, I have a great idea for dinner, let’s try this. Making the choice in a loving way is the biggest gift. No one wants to make the choice so making the choice or narrowing to two is the way to go. We all can usually find something to eat (and I’m a gluten - free pescatarian).
But what was "it" that he wanted to know you wanted? ;)
Ha he wouldn’t tell me! Pesky like that :)
You got your wish. I'm a stranger on the Internet who cares about you! About children, is it possible you want to adopt? None of my business but I did wonder, reading your post. About running and aging, I'm 63 and slowing down, and I wasn't fast to begin with! So I've had to accept I probably won't get a BQ and may run Boston for charity next year.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts. "What do you want" sounds like a simple question, but it's really so complex. There's a lot I want and a lot I don't want. There's a lot that is that I would like to change, or see changed. And there are other things that are good. In my 55+ years I've learned that change is normal and necessary, though sometimes the change isn't positive.
I hear you about what it means to be a woman as we age. At 55, I have to create a place where I am seen in the way I want yo be seen. Much of my younger life was spent NOT being seen (as a sex object, cat-called, being seen not on my terms) while struggling to be seen as intelligent and offering value. As a middke-aged woman moving toward the older side of middle age, I can blend into a crowd, but professionally I am at the top of my game and am seen as an expert. I like that. As I didn't take up sport until my late 30s, I don't have youth physicality to compare to, but at 55 I am certainly not the athlete I was so effortlessly (comparatively) in my early 40s. At 46, I started noticing physical changes of perimenopause, though I didn't know that's what it was. At 52/53 I was hit HARD with full-blown perimenopause and chose HRT because I could just "tough it out" like I coukd do in most things in life. It turns out my body REALLY NEEDED estrogen. I think I left it too long and my physical capabilities aren't what they were, or where I'd like them to be, but I'm still able to do way more than the average woman my age. I still strive to be better even as I accept I may never be where I'd like to be. Anyway.....
Life is definitely an interesting journey. It can be a challenge to keep a good balance and not always live at extremes. Sometimes extremes are exhilarating, but that's not sustainable. We sprinkle it in where it's healthful.
I know you love dogs, and I hope you can fill your life with animals (as I’m fortunate to have done). Reading between the lines, I sense you miss the connection & community that comes from being a prominent person in the OCR and ultra scenes. I personally feel less connected and a bit lonely being more on the periphery of ultrarunning now. But you can find community elsewhere. For me it’s book clubs, leading a nonprofit, sub teaching, and more. Maybe this is a time for you to branch out. Take care and keep writing. And, 41 is still young!
I am glad that you seem more at peace right now. I also like the idea of you starting a podcast. Please keep writing your thoughts and stay strong.
Thanks for this. I love reading your stuff for so many reasons. Nothing but love for you.
What do I want? To me it not a question to struggle with. What do I do with what life gives me? That’s the important one for me. I guess it’s a form of living in the moment. Appreciation for each day. Letting life come to you. A different perspective that seems, at this moment, to work for me. Right now I thankful to you for writing your post and triggering these thoughts.
These are such existential questions for women in our 40’s. Thank you for sharing your perspective ☯️
Now that I’m slightly beyond where you are (aka mid-50’s), my thoughts about running longevity, finding passion with other hobbies (hopefully) and leaving a legacy in my career and childless family… these themes all hit home.
The one thing I know for me, is that I wake up most days feeling grateful for what I have, and happy to be in the moment… If I can turn my brain off, and just BE.
Welcome to the cool kids club. We matter. We’re here. And the view from my slow turtle trail run is pretty amazing!😻