In June 2000, six months after being discharged from the pediatric ward at Emanuel Hospital, my treatment team officially declared me recovered, complete with a paper certificate (I kid you not). At age 16, I sauntered out of the Kartini Clinic in NE Portland, incredibly relieved that a tough chapter of my life was behind me.
As a 32 year old who is clawing my way (alone, thanks, insurance) out of yet another relapse because I thought it was recovered, I needed this. Thank you❤️
Thank you so much for this! I (Heather) think it's becoming increasingly "common" (for lack of a better word) to approach treatment as a long-term, ever-evolving thing, but totally agree and note that it's still a bit of a "hot take" in the treatment world. I think a lot of folks will appreciate this perspective, from the lived experience of it all. <3
Maybe a nuance at what you are getting at.... maybe completely off base. Can I be "recovered" (cured?) from alcohol, because I can completely abstain, forever? Food.... not so much. "Recovering" seems more appropriate, since, well, you need to eat, you need to continue a relationship with food. Active statement, not definitive end point statement.... I think of drug and sex addicts the same way, you don't need drugs, but human contact seems essential.
I think the more we honor all parts of ourselves and learn to live in harmony (while not being defined) the better our lives become. I did not suffer from an eating disorder, however I had a genetic condition that causes many chronic issues and I find that if I honor it, know that my heart will always want to do more than my body will allow, understand what will restore me and what will break me down but not define myself by it, I am so much happier. I admire your strength and determination! Keep it up!
As a trail runner recovering in several 12-step programs, I can relate a lot to your story. And I appreciate for myself the thought that I will probably always be “in recovery”. But that feels more healthy to me than saying I’m “recovered”… I look at it as a journey and continual personal growth and learning. The minute I say “I’ve got this”, then the danger is I could quit doing the things that have worked for over 5 years (for me). Thanks so much for sharing! 💖
So well said. The biggest challenges in life seem to be those in which we can’t just cast aside once we have “overcome” them, at least in my experience.
Your story of recovering is such a valiant act of self love, commitment and strength. Thank you for sharing.
After reading many of your posts I feel it’s not only ann eating disorder but an exercise addiction as well. I have the exercise addiction. As soon as we are healed we seek out another exercise goal (race). Do u believe u don’t take your recovery slow enough? You seem to be up to running many miles super quickly. This is not a criticism just an observation. Running is life. I’m there too.
Appreciate your comment! It’s a good question and I’ve written about it before: for me, it depends on my motivations behind running. I can honestly say those are not related to my weight. I love the racing and running and community. And maybe my definition of mileage is skewed because I still think I’m pretty “low” mileage after 4 months of returning to run, but I’m also surrounded by a bunch of ultrarunners who regularly put in 70-100mpw 🤷🏼♀️
As a Dad supporting a daughter through this (with wife and family) I needed this. And I think this has been the hardest aspect to wrap my head around in my role as supporter - that "recovery" is a spectrum for the remainder of our (collective) lives; some days will be good and some days not so much.
Although I am a runner and a biker, I am also an alcoholic. I totally relate to your writing. I will not ever be recovered… I will always be recovering. I attend AA meetings and find them a tremendous help. For me it will continue to be one day at a time, trying to stay away for my silly pursuit of perfection.
As a 32 year old who is clawing my way (alone, thanks, insurance) out of yet another relapse because I thought it was recovered, I needed this. Thank you❤️
Ugh I am so sorry but I feel that 🩵
Thank you so much for this! I (Heather) think it's becoming increasingly "common" (for lack of a better word) to approach treatment as a long-term, ever-evolving thing, but totally agree and note that it's still a bit of a "hot take" in the treatment world. I think a lot of folks will appreciate this perspective, from the lived experience of it all. <3
Thanks Heather! Yeah it’s interesting - maybe my definition of “recovery” is actually what some people think of as “recovered?” Food for thought…
Maybe a nuance at what you are getting at.... maybe completely off base. Can I be "recovered" (cured?) from alcohol, because I can completely abstain, forever? Food.... not so much. "Recovering" seems more appropriate, since, well, you need to eat, you need to continue a relationship with food. Active statement, not definitive end point statement.... I think of drug and sex addicts the same way, you don't need drugs, but human contact seems essential.
Yes, that’s definitely part of why it’s so hard! The abstinence model doesn’t work well for food.
I think the more we honor all parts of ourselves and learn to live in harmony (while not being defined) the better our lives become. I did not suffer from an eating disorder, however I had a genetic condition that causes many chronic issues and I find that if I honor it, know that my heart will always want to do more than my body will allow, understand what will restore me and what will break me down but not define myself by it, I am so much happier. I admire your strength and determination! Keep it up!
Appreciate you sharing that perspective!!
As a trail runner recovering in several 12-step programs, I can relate a lot to your story. And I appreciate for myself the thought that I will probably always be “in recovery”. But that feels more healthy to me than saying I’m “recovered”… I look at it as a journey and continual personal growth and learning. The minute I say “I’ve got this”, then the danger is I could quit doing the things that have worked for over 5 years (for me). Thanks so much for sharing! 💖
Absolutely relate to this!!!
So well said. The biggest challenges in life seem to be those in which we can’t just cast aside once we have “overcome” them, at least in my experience.
Your story of recovering is such a valiant act of self love, commitment and strength. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you!!
Would love to read that thesis about 12-steps and food recovery!
Good to know! Maybe I’ll write it :)
After reading many of your posts I feel it’s not only ann eating disorder but an exercise addiction as well. I have the exercise addiction. As soon as we are healed we seek out another exercise goal (race). Do u believe u don’t take your recovery slow enough? You seem to be up to running many miles super quickly. This is not a criticism just an observation. Running is life. I’m there too.
Appreciate your comment! It’s a good question and I’ve written about it before: for me, it depends on my motivations behind running. I can honestly say those are not related to my weight. I love the racing and running and community. And maybe my definition of mileage is skewed because I still think I’m pretty “low” mileage after 4 months of returning to run, but I’m also surrounded by a bunch of ultrarunners who regularly put in 70-100mpw 🤷🏼♀️
As a Dad supporting a daughter through this (with wife and family) I needed this. And I think this has been the hardest aspect to wrap my head around in my role as supporter - that "recovery" is a spectrum for the remainder of our (collective) lives; some days will be good and some days not so much.
Although I am a runner and a biker, I am also an alcoholic. I totally relate to your writing. I will not ever be recovered… I will always be recovering. I attend AA meetings and find them a tremendous help. For me it will continue to be one day at a time, trying to stay away for my silly pursuit of perfection.
Congratulations on your five years. Stay strong.