Just gonna pray/hope for answers and then solutions for you. As a fellow chronic suffer we don’t wish others the misery we suffer, and any break-through gives us a collective hope for each of us.
You could end up going through doctors, even doctors who have helped before and that you respect because they only know what they know. You will research a myriad of possible issues and trial and error your own diagnosis.
Never give up hope of finding an answer and a balance. Your tenacity will be you strength in this, as will your ability to play the long game.
Give you body the rest ♥️♥️♥️ and I’m always hopeful for you.
Relate to a lot of what you’re saying. Know that the athletes out there hear you and know what you’re going through. You’re not alone.
That helps somewhat.
There are so many thoughts that go through your head with an uncertain timeline for injury and it’s tough.
Actually, my husband is a sports medicine doctor and he partnered with me to write a guest post for my newsletter last month about his 9-month recovery from a severe glute tear- 5 stages of the injured athlete.
I'm dealing with this exact same thing right now. I havent been able to run pain free since April. Ive seen 3 doctors, PT, and I've had every type of imaging done twice. There have been days where the pain is so bad that I say I'll give up the hope to ever run again if I can just walk without pain again.
For me, the thing that keeps me going is reminding myself this is another part of the journey. The thing I love about healthy running is always the long slow days of training and the journey itself more than any one destination or performance. I remind myself every day that these days without running are still apart of that journey and are equally important because even though im not putting in the physical work, I'm putting in the mental work to recommit and stay positive which is much more challenging. But it's the exact same journey I've always been on inside, it just looks different (for now) on the outside.
Love this. I felt every word. I’m 35, and I experience chronic pain due to streak running and ED (15 years). I recommend looking into pain neuroscience education, it made a huge difference for me. 🩷
I have followed you for a long time. You are my rancho hero!! ❤️The one thing I admire in you is your resiliency! 4 weeks ago I feel at Stevens Creek trail running and tore my rotator cuff. Minor in the big picture! But at 67 I’m not ready to give up running. I’m having surgery December 3rd because I can’t wait to run the Golden Gate Classic in November. Just know that you’ve got this! You’re amazing!! Sending good mojo your way!! 🤗
As someone who is still working through no longer being fast or competitive I can say the “finding a new identity” thing is soooo hard. But also I am no longer very interested in people who just keep training and competing forever, and I think that shows growth. The athlete life has lost some of its luster even though I still would love to compete again.
I haven’t found a new thing I love that replaces that love of running, but I have spent a lot more time and mental energy in self-exploration, which is cool. I feel like I know myself better if that makes sense. I spend more time thinking about my relationships with people, with work, with my body, with sport, and with motherhood. I’m reading and writing more.
We’re all on our own journeys. I applaud you for sharing yours.
You are absolutely not alone. I went through something similar at 41. Initially I was diagnosed with PTSD (yes, I had some of the symptoms, but I don't think it was the full picture) and told to stop exercising. Wow, did that increase my anxiety. Now I know that the exact symptoms I had could be LEA/RED-S or perimenopause. To this day, as a physician myself, I have no idea what the right diagnosis was. That said, I experimented with journaling, painting, knitting, and crocheting, and I joined some book clubs. Finding non-movement related activities was sooo hard, but now I have a broader toolbox of self-care activities that have helped me immensely through other life things, especially my father's cancer diagnosis and ultimate death. If you have the calm app, Jay Shetty has a meditation/discussion on Specific Self-Care that you might find interesting.
I have nothing inspiring to say as when I lived that way for 2+ years I was just in a dark hole and was in a bad mental space. Any little pain brings me back there and I sulk for days. I will say sometimes pharmaceuticals do help. NSAIDs initially got rid of my sciatic pain. I’ve since moved on to a more natural alternative: LDN. Gabapentin is in option but not good long-term. As much as we don’t want to be dependent on them, sometimes meds are helpful.
I had a similar period of time when I was in my 40s, the original injury is still unclear, it was variably diagnosed as a psoas tear (avulsion from my pelvic bone), sacroiliac sprain or one of a few other things, and then there was thought to be some secondary neuropathic pain. In the acute phase the pain was sometimes so bad I though I would faint, and in the chronic phase it was just continual discomfort and the feeling that I was being pulled off balance. It was years until I found the right person that was able to help (it was with a technique called active release that helped the scarring, and then a lot of mobility/strength). I've been running competitively since I was a kid, and not being able to run takes a toll. Fast forward, I'm 59 now, have had some great races in the past decade, just started another marathon cycle and feeling stronger than ever. The body can do amazing things when given the time and support it needs. You are seen, many of us have been there and come out on the other side. And this might sound weird, but seriously consider trying acupuncture if you haven't already.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m nowhere near your level as an athlete, but I think I may at least partly understand about not being able to do normal stuff. I have suspected long covid and the post exertional fatigue is crazy, which means I can barely exercise, and doing things like going out for dinner, walking to the shop, gardening, even just tidying/cleaning my house can leave me unwell for days. It’s frustrating and can feel quite hopeless, yet hope is so necessary. Sending you hope and strength.
I'm so sorry to hear you have been going through the shitty stuff too - sometimes it helps to just know that there are others out there that "get" it. Sending you love right back!
I am so sorry you are navigating this tough time. Unknowns are challenging...how can you make a plan when you don't know what you are planning for, right?! I am holding space for you, Amelia.
Hey, chronic pain sufferer here, ankylosing spondylitis is my burden. It won't get better. Sufferers have a mantra, rest is rust, immobility increases the pain. It's rings true, never being fully present and I have come to peace with this (you have to pick your battles). Also as someone that chooses not to race, so deemed recreational, I still manage 80km plus per week while working full time. Pushing myself over the demanding terrain of North Wales, my running target....run happy. It's during this time that I forget the pain. It's all about acceptance. You wrote last time about a pause, so that pause is going to be longer. In terms of acceptance, your on the right path (trail?), out here, sharing and as ever inspiring ❤
I appreciate you sharing this - it does really give me hope that movement can heal (also going through testing for AS right now...it runs in my family...)
This piece makes me think of the difference between purpose and passion, as well as patience in regards to those things; even more difficult with athletic pursuits. I never thought I'd come back better and stronger as an athlete (passion[but also purpose]) after dedicating myself to a different path for more than a year, but it's happening for me right now and I'm learning to be more patient with my purpose in life, which has more to do with writing about mental health and sharing my story which is increasingly intertwined with my comeback as an athlete.
ThankYou for continuing to share you journey with us, Amelia! Patience. Peace. 💜
oh I appreciate this, Andrew! Your comment makes me think about that as well, and I appreciate knowing that others have stepped away only to come back.
Have you seen Greg McCahon’s latest video, “Cycling alone through Mexico to get over a breakup”? I share for two reasons, one- he is the only other person I “know” online who approaches the level of honest connection you manage to share in your media. And two- he is challenged to rediscover his “Why” in the video, with no certainty that he’ll be able to do that. I cried more than once while watching - out of joy or sadness you ask? Yes.
Have your doctors considered Ankylosing spondylitis? It affects the SI joints especially in women. Are you stiff in the mornings and have to get out of bed due to being stiff? Does some exercise help but too much make it worse? I met you last summer when we drove you and Duzer back after RAGBRAI. Let me know if you would like to talk or discuss how to make the diagnosis. I'm a physician who has AS and was diagnosed at about your age. It often presents differently in women.
Thank you!!! Yup, that’s pretty spot on in describing how I feel. Doctors haven’t considered it - would love to take you up on your offer to chat if you are so inclined! Raceipsablog@gmail.com
Just gonna pray/hope for answers and then solutions for you. As a fellow chronic suffer we don’t wish others the misery we suffer, and any break-through gives us a collective hope for each of us.
You could end up going through doctors, even doctors who have helped before and that you respect because they only know what they know. You will research a myriad of possible issues and trial and error your own diagnosis.
Never give up hope of finding an answer and a balance. Your tenacity will be you strength in this, as will your ability to play the long game.
Give you body the rest ♥️♥️♥️ and I’m always hopeful for you.
Thank you so much - this is so well-said and captures how I feel!
Relate to a lot of what you’re saying. Know that the athletes out there hear you and know what you’re going through. You’re not alone.
That helps somewhat.
There are so many thoughts that go through your head with an uncertain timeline for injury and it’s tough.
Actually, my husband is a sports medicine doctor and he partnered with me to write a guest post for my newsletter last month about his 9-month recovery from a severe glute tear- 5 stages of the injured athlete.
I'm dealing with this exact same thing right now. I havent been able to run pain free since April. Ive seen 3 doctors, PT, and I've had every type of imaging done twice. There have been days where the pain is so bad that I say I'll give up the hope to ever run again if I can just walk without pain again.
For me, the thing that keeps me going is reminding myself this is another part of the journey. The thing I love about healthy running is always the long slow days of training and the journey itself more than any one destination or performance. I remind myself every day that these days without running are still apart of that journey and are equally important because even though im not putting in the physical work, I'm putting in the mental work to recommit and stay positive which is much more challenging. But it's the exact same journey I've always been on inside, it just looks different (for now) on the outside.
Good luck and thanks for sharing this!
Thank you! I’m sorry you are also going through this. That framing is super helpful
Love this. I felt every word. I’m 35, and I experience chronic pain due to streak running and ED (15 years). I recommend looking into pain neuroscience education, it made a huge difference for me. 🩷
Thank you - actually started pain reprocessing therapy soon!
I have followed you for a long time. You are my rancho hero!! ❤️The one thing I admire in you is your resiliency! 4 weeks ago I feel at Stevens Creek trail running and tore my rotator cuff. Minor in the big picture! But at 67 I’m not ready to give up running. I’m having surgery December 3rd because I can’t wait to run the Golden Gate Classic in November. Just know that you’ve got this! You’re amazing!! Sending good mojo your way!! 🤗
Awwwww I miss Rancho! So sorry about your shoulder but glad you are still getting in your race!!! ❤️❤️
As someone who is still working through no longer being fast or competitive I can say the “finding a new identity” thing is soooo hard. But also I am no longer very interested in people who just keep training and competing forever, and I think that shows growth. The athlete life has lost some of its luster even though I still would love to compete again.
I haven’t found a new thing I love that replaces that love of running, but I have spent a lot more time and mental energy in self-exploration, which is cool. I feel like I know myself better if that makes sense. I spend more time thinking about my relationships with people, with work, with my body, with sport, and with motherhood. I’m reading and writing more.
We’re all on our own journeys. I applaud you for sharing yours.
Thank you Cate - it's definitely way harder than I expected. Thank you for sharing that piece of you with me!
You are absolutely not alone. I went through something similar at 41. Initially I was diagnosed with PTSD (yes, I had some of the symptoms, but I don't think it was the full picture) and told to stop exercising. Wow, did that increase my anxiety. Now I know that the exact symptoms I had could be LEA/RED-S or perimenopause. To this day, as a physician myself, I have no idea what the right diagnosis was. That said, I experimented with journaling, painting, knitting, and crocheting, and I joined some book clubs. Finding non-movement related activities was sooo hard, but now I have a broader toolbox of self-care activities that have helped me immensely through other life things, especially my father's cancer diagnosis and ultimate death. If you have the calm app, Jay Shetty has a meditation/discussion on Specific Self-Care that you might find interesting.
thank you so much - this gives me hope!
I have nothing inspiring to say as when I lived that way for 2+ years I was just in a dark hole and was in a bad mental space. Any little pain brings me back there and I sulk for days. I will say sometimes pharmaceuticals do help. NSAIDs initially got rid of my sciatic pain. I’ve since moved on to a more natural alternative: LDN. Gabapentin is in option but not good long-term. As much as we don’t want to be dependent on them, sometimes meds are helpful.
thank you! I did have a doc tell me "you don't have to suffer needlessly - we have drugs for a reason." Helps to remember that sometimes!
Hi Amelia, Hang in there you have alot to offer you are very beautuful.. :) John
I had a similar period of time when I was in my 40s, the original injury is still unclear, it was variably diagnosed as a psoas tear (avulsion from my pelvic bone), sacroiliac sprain or one of a few other things, and then there was thought to be some secondary neuropathic pain. In the acute phase the pain was sometimes so bad I though I would faint, and in the chronic phase it was just continual discomfort and the feeling that I was being pulled off balance. It was years until I found the right person that was able to help (it was with a technique called active release that helped the scarring, and then a lot of mobility/strength). I've been running competitively since I was a kid, and not being able to run takes a toll. Fast forward, I'm 59 now, have had some great races in the past decade, just started another marathon cycle and feeling stronger than ever. The body can do amazing things when given the time and support it needs. You are seen, many of us have been there and come out on the other side. And this might sound weird, but seriously consider trying acupuncture if you haven't already.
thank you Maeve for sharing your journey - this gives me hope!!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m nowhere near your level as an athlete, but I think I may at least partly understand about not being able to do normal stuff. I have suspected long covid and the post exertional fatigue is crazy, which means I can barely exercise, and doing things like going out for dinner, walking to the shop, gardening, even just tidying/cleaning my house can leave me unwell for days. It’s frustrating and can feel quite hopeless, yet hope is so necessary. Sending you hope and strength.
I'm so sorry to hear you have been going through the shitty stuff too - sometimes it helps to just know that there are others out there that "get" it. Sending you love right back!
I am so sorry you are navigating this tough time. Unknowns are challenging...how can you make a plan when you don't know what you are planning for, right?! I am holding space for you, Amelia.
Hey, chronic pain sufferer here, ankylosing spondylitis is my burden. It won't get better. Sufferers have a mantra, rest is rust, immobility increases the pain. It's rings true, never being fully present and I have come to peace with this (you have to pick your battles). Also as someone that chooses not to race, so deemed recreational, I still manage 80km plus per week while working full time. Pushing myself over the demanding terrain of North Wales, my running target....run happy. It's during this time that I forget the pain. It's all about acceptance. You wrote last time about a pause, so that pause is going to be longer. In terms of acceptance, your on the right path (trail?), out here, sharing and as ever inspiring ❤
I appreciate you sharing this - it does really give me hope that movement can heal (also going through testing for AS right now...it runs in my family...)
This piece makes me think of the difference between purpose and passion, as well as patience in regards to those things; even more difficult with athletic pursuits. I never thought I'd come back better and stronger as an athlete (passion[but also purpose]) after dedicating myself to a different path for more than a year, but it's happening for me right now and I'm learning to be more patient with my purpose in life, which has more to do with writing about mental health and sharing my story which is increasingly intertwined with my comeback as an athlete.
ThankYou for continuing to share you journey with us, Amelia! Patience. Peace. 💜
oh I appreciate this, Andrew! Your comment makes me think about that as well, and I appreciate knowing that others have stepped away only to come back.
Have you seen Greg McCahon’s latest video, “Cycling alone through Mexico to get over a breakup”? I share for two reasons, one- he is the only other person I “know” online who approaches the level of honest connection you manage to share in your media. And two- he is challenged to rediscover his “Why” in the video, with no certainty that he’ll be able to do that. I cried more than once while watching - out of joy or sadness you ask? Yes.
I haven't - will have to check it out. Thank you!
Have your doctors considered Ankylosing spondylitis? It affects the SI joints especially in women. Are you stiff in the mornings and have to get out of bed due to being stiff? Does some exercise help but too much make it worse? I met you last summer when we drove you and Duzer back after RAGBRAI. Let me know if you would like to talk or discuss how to make the diagnosis. I'm a physician who has AS and was diagnosed at about your age. It often presents differently in women.
Thank you!!! Yup, that’s pretty spot on in describing how I feel. Doctors haven’t considered it - would love to take you up on your offer to chat if you are so inclined! Raceipsablog@gmail.com
You can text me at 907-378-7882.